"Emotional Dependence & Your Happiness"
Conquering Freedom
"Emotional Dependence & Your Happiness"
As humans we are relational beings this is fact, yet, oddly we sometimes struggle in our ability to balance independent and dependent behaviors and patterns in our day to day lives. Ultimately, this may directly or indirectly impact other people in relationships.
Broadly, independent behavior might make one feel strong, authoritative, or reliable. Naturally, we want to be independent. Adversely, dependent behaviors might make one feel needy, secure or happy but the sources in both cases are reliant on someone or something else and usually not strong self-sustaining principals. What we are truly experiencing are our own egos and feelings that need to be grounded or refined. We are experiencing the power vs force ideal.
Independent - an independent person or body
Dependent - a person who relies on another
Interdependent - (of two or more people or things) dependent on each other.
For me, as this relates to emotions, emotional dependency has long been a challenge. Insecurities from not having powerful principal centered focuses has worked my ability to sustain myself. Principal centers are values - which we all have but become easily lost in the day to day rigors of our independence or dependence on something else. In fact, for me all facets of life have been impacted like work at work (whether it’s awesome enough), like how my peers feel about me (am I adding value to them or not), like my approval from friends (am powerfully relating), relationships, etc. Nonetheless, these have all been mind boggling ineffective ways to live life. Does it make sense to give away your power? No, but we do it unconsciously. We do it with inefficient patterns and daily routines.
Although it’s easier to retreat or to latch on to sources for sustainability, unknowingly, sometimes it’s worth the effort to heal your life by evaluating your own behavior patterns. Stop attaching on to less powerful sources (people, ideals, things) and use strong principal centers and values to cocreate, balance and be the best version of yourself. This is what is effective. Also stop allowing things to drain you, allowing sources to attach on to you which may cause a tremendous lose in self power, self love and self respect.
If you don’t, the end result - will always be an up and down roller coaster of emotions, and disappointment. Sources can and will drain you if you become too emotionally involved for disempowering reasons. Think about this: If you are emotional dependent, this means something else controls how you feel which equals - a loss in personal power. How much value are you then to any one person in any relationship??
Examples of sources can be a job, a spouse, family member, friend, son or daughter, girlfriend or boyfriend. Whatever the case, emotional dependency in the form of attaching to things creates an imbalance and eventual uneasiness and unhappiness. This does not mean to not LOVE or to not care for. LOVE is supreme, and acts of love have to be effective and rooted in your supreme self power. It simply means to ground your loving in yourself first so that you can be a more powerful, stable resource for others. You first though.
When people attach to any one thing, you end up losing yourself at the will of something else. As a result, all you have left are lower level conscious levels like pride and ego that kick in to protect what you ultimately gave away in you. Not effective as relational beings yet this happens all the time.
Recently, I've
been reading Stephen Covey’s infamous 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People...again :( A friend of mine recommended this years ago but I was unable
to follow the main points...so I put it down. Now, after several years
and a ton more life experiences I get it and there is one main point I find
fascinating. The book speaks to independent, dependent and
interdependent behaviors along with relationships and how these relationships
with ourselves and with others impact our effectiveness. Effectiveness into
purpose and my belief into universal vibration. Our personal
effectiveness, which drives our individual purpose is extraordinary. In fact,
everything we do, we do interchangeably, cross functionally, we do in teams, in
pairs, we do collectively, we do together, we do as a community, in
relationship and in fellowship with one another. Examples: we work jobs
together, have families, and play sports - all in relationship to other human
beings.
As humans we are relational beings this is fact, yet, oddly we sometimes struggle in our ability to balance independent and dependent behaviors and patterns in our day to day lives. Ultimately, this may directly or indirectly impact other people in relationships.
Broadly, independent behavior might make one feel strong, authoritative, or reliable. Naturally, we want to be independent. Adversely, dependent behaviors might make one feel needy, secure or happy but the sources in both cases are reliant on someone or something else and usually not strong self-sustaining principals. What we are truly experiencing are our own egos and feelings that need to be grounded or refined. We are experiencing the power vs force ideal.
Independent - an independent person or body
Dependent - a person who relies on another
Interdependent - (of two or more people or things) dependent on each other.
For me, as this relates to emotions, emotional dependency has long been a challenge. Insecurities from not having powerful principal centered focuses has worked my ability to sustain myself. Principal centers are values - which we all have but become easily lost in the day to day rigors of our independence or dependence on something else. In fact, for me all facets of life have been impacted like work at work (whether it’s awesome enough), like how my peers feel about me (am I adding value to them or not), like my approval from friends (am powerfully relating), relationships, etc. Nonetheless, these have all been mind boggling ineffective ways to live life. Does it make sense to give away your power? No, but we do it unconsciously. We do it with inefficient patterns and daily routines.
Although it’s easier to retreat or to latch on to sources for sustainability, unknowingly, sometimes it’s worth the effort to heal your life by evaluating your own behavior patterns. Stop attaching on to less powerful sources (people, ideals, things) and use strong principal centers and values to cocreate, balance and be the best version of yourself. This is what is effective. Also stop allowing things to drain you, allowing sources to attach on to you which may cause a tremendous lose in self power, self love and self respect.
If you don’t, the end result - will always be an up and down roller coaster of emotions, and disappointment. Sources can and will drain you if you become too emotionally involved for disempowering reasons. Think about this: If you are emotional dependent, this means something else controls how you feel which equals - a loss in personal power. How much value are you then to any one person in any relationship??
Examples of sources can be a job, a spouse, family member, friend, son or daughter, girlfriend or boyfriend. Whatever the case, emotional dependency in the form of attaching to things creates an imbalance and eventual uneasiness and unhappiness. This does not mean to not LOVE or to not care for. LOVE is supreme, and acts of love have to be effective and rooted in your supreme self power. It simply means to ground your loving in yourself first so that you can be a more powerful, stable resource for others. You first though.
When people attach to any one thing, you end up losing yourself at the will of something else. As a result, all you have left are lower level conscious levels like pride and ego that kick in to protect what you ultimately gave away in you. Not effective as relational beings yet this happens all the time.
Be well,
Vic
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